Sweet Baby Ayo, Mommy loves you more than I have ever imagined I would be capable of loving another human being. From the moment I knew you, I loved you. You have cracked my heart open in a way that it has yet to recover from and never will. As the years of gone by and the gravity of my chose has settled into the empty space in my arms, the space meant for you, I find myself wishing that I had chose life. Wishing I had had the courage, the strength and internal fortitude to choose you over anything else. You deserved that. Your father and I were so young when you were conceived and I was terrified. I allowed so many external pressures to overwhelm the voice inside myself. Now, looking back, all of those "pressures" have disappeared, no longer a factor, and nowhere to be found; moved on with their lives, many I haven’t spoken to in years, yet my life is forever changed. What makes it so bad is they don’t even know the ripple effects caused in the lives of multiple people in our family. You have about 5 cousins now on your father’s side and 5 on mommy’s side. I wish you could have met them. Your cousins on mommy’s side ask about you and expressed that they would have loved to meet you. It broke my heart to tell them that you are no longer on this side. They grieved for you too. I hope you and David are together. I know he will love you and look after you for me. I miss both of you dearly, my Cancer Babies. My life is less full without the two of you but I have comfort knowing you two have each other, just on the other side of the looking glass. It has taken many years for me to allow myself to call myself your mother. What kind of mother does this to her child? It's been a lot to grapple with and it's a daily challenge. But each day, when I feel overwhelmed by the grief, I remember that I am your mother and I have to be someone you'd be proud of. It keeps me going but my goodness is it hard and it never gets easier. I look forward to the day that I can hold you, kiss you, smell you, see you laugh…what a day that’ll be. Until then, I will spend the rest of my life doing my best to make you proud and advocating for Life for all PreBorn Children. Until we meet again, my sweet baby. I love you fiercely.

Jolissa L. Williams